Vanderstank Industries is not responsible for any property damage, hearing loss, liver damage, food poisoning, marital difficulties, or complete memory loss that may be associated with the use of our products. While visiting our Vanderstank locations, please be advised we are also not responsible for any injury, theft of your personal possessions, vandalism of your personal clothing, gang activity, sudden floor collapse, deadly animal attacks, or cold-blooded murder that may occur within our corporate buildings. By purchasing and using our products, you hereby agree that you understand and are excited by these risks, and that any legal procedures wagered against Vanderstank Industries will be null and void.
Any customer found to have publicly insulted or disparaged our great company may be given a time-out and have no dessert after supper tonight.
By using this website, you have entered into a binding contract with the Church of Vanderstank and hereby renounce any previously held religion. As a member of the Church of Vanderstank you have promised to keep your soul under the eternal protection of Our Lord Caroline. You hereby agree that renouncing the Church of Vanderstank may result in stalking, kidnapping, forced re-education, ritual sacrifice of your body, and/or a curse being placed on your person, depending on the severity of the infraction.