Members of a Brighter Tomorrow
Here at Vanderstank, we believe that people come first.
Brodona Oven Pit "Galactagos" Floya
Phelix McGraw Jordanesque Cornflakes "The Sliding Skytongue" Hemmitt
EXECUTIVE VICE PRESIDENT, DIRECTOR OF SPECIAL OPERATIONS
Tangus Gerhardt Dawson
DIRECTOR OF PRODUCT DEVELOPMENT
Micycle Band-Aid Fic
CHIEF SURGEON, ASSISTANT DIRECTOR OF PUBLIC RELATIONS
Charleston Scrubbler "Lung Buster" Tumaki
Salice Chives Moonchild
DIRECTOR OF HERBOLOGY, ASSISTANT DIRECTOR OF SPECIAL OPERATIONS
Liberty M. Novak
Dr. George j'Ohnston Head
DIRECTOR OF ANIMAL BREEDING & GENETICS LABORATORY
Featured Family Members
Recent member news
06 Sep 2017 — Prepare your minds and bodies… Vanderstank 6.0 is fast approaching. Are you a White Badge or a Black Badge? New recruits can personalize their Vanderstank membership when they sign up at our newly refreshed website. You may have noticed our newly redesigned bio pages for our executive members, complete with a collection of badges that signify their experience at the Company. But that's not even the best part… We are considering opening up this feature to ALL members, even brand new white and black badge recruits! We're always thinking of new ways to bring the Great Family closer together.
01 July 2017 — It is with a bittersweet pride that we announce the Vanderstank 5.0 initiative has come to a close. The Vanderstank Family can rest after this highly successful step on the long road to improving humanity. The Family shall patiently await our public announcement when the sixth Vanderstank initiative is launched.
01 June 2017 — A good family is a clean family! Vanderstank's VACRO family got a little bit smaller this week, as eleven members were terminated due to inactivity. Buckle up, because the Loyalty Purge will be coming next!
01 May 2017 — We are proud to announce that our completely redesigned and updated Personal Treatment program has successfully completed its beta testing phase, thanks to veteran members Celia Cave and Charleston Tumaki generously volunteering as human test subjects! High-ranking members can apply to undergo our extensive and life-altering Personal Treatment programs soon.
The VACRO Program
20 Mar 2017 — As part of this year's Vanderstank 5.0 initiative, we are proud to announce the introduction of our most accessible public membership role yet, the first rank you will occupy before any other promotion: VACRO, or Vanderstank Active Corrections and Reconnaissance Officers. Anyone can apply to become a VACRO and start your journey. As a VACRO you will actively convert friends and family, take correctional actions against those disparaging the Company, and compile new evidence-based strategies for winning over the world's uninformed peoples. A VACRO may just be a pawn on the chess board, but it's an important first step towards becoming a King!
"I was in a bad spot in my life. I mishandled classified information and brought shame upon the Company. But then Vanderstank showed me the light. Because of their wonderful re-education program, I learned that I didn't need my friends and family who refused to believe in Vanderstank. Just as Vanderstank corrected me, I now have a new purpose in correcting my former loved ones. I have a new family now: the Vanderstank family."
— Celia Cave, VACRO
Fill out our new membership application, and take the first step to unleashing the power of a newer, better you.