Our immaculate showrooms.
For those who have made their way up the Vanderstank leadership ranks, Vanderstank operates a number of secret bases which offer such cutting-edge life improvement systems as magnetic laser spas, chemical entertainment systems, product showrooms, and screenings of classified Vanderstank films. Directions and entry to each Vanderstank location is restricted to various ranks within the Vanderstank community, and forms an exciting motivation to move up the ranks within the Company.
As always, all locations include cutting-edge features such as...
Our roof-mounted fire alarm sprinkler system is switched permanently on, to make sure that absolutely no fires take place in our building! Guests are invited to bring an umbrella if they wish to protect their pretentious hairstyles.
Rather constantly having to wipe the blood off the walls, our interior design features gutters that collect the blood as it drips down and deliver it to an interchangeable system that may be used for floor waxing, dessert topping, or recirculated into the Always-On Sprinkler System.
Our state of the art facility features an exceptional number of triangles. All visitors receive a free triangle at the entrance.
Be aware: Although they are being phased out some locations still include functioning VERISHIT™ (Vanderstank Experimental Realm for the Incredibly Smart, Helplessly Insane, and Terrific) mental asylums. We have tried to improve the sound deadening, but we would still like to remind you that some screaming and cackling is perfectly normal. We also would like to remind our guests to immediately and calmly leave any room if a bloody hammer is present on any of the display tables.