We're so glad you've made it here. Welcome to Vanderstank, your first and last stop for a newer, better you.
We manufacture a complete line of products to improve every aspect of your life, from food to furniture to technological marvels, as well as a cutting-edge spiritual system to unleash your inner strength and expose the secrets of the universe to you. Fill your home with our uncomfortably innovative products, explore the future of computing technology, earn your own personal collection of Vanderstank badges, study the teachings of the Book of Vanderstank, submit yourself to our 1,000,000% safe cutting-edge cognitioneering procedures, and more.
Watch the sunrise, and share this link with anyone you know who could benefit from the Vanderstank way of life.
Further reading: Why We're Not A Cult
"Joining the Family was the best decision I ever made. Five years ago I was living in a trash-filled alleyway in total squalor. Now I'm successful, wealthy, and enlightened, and the inner workings of the universe are laid out before me like a beautiful banquet. Vanderthanks!"
— Celia Cave, VACRO